falling into a pattern

am i an idiot ? honestly i don't know . it feels like i am, it feels like im not . and im tired of feeling this way . i talk to you in the day light . all happy, smiley, such and such . yay everything goes perfect . and for some reason, at night time, once the sun sets , i feel like i. well not HATE, but i really dont see a need for liking you the way i do . don't get me wrong, i absolutley do . but for some reason, i get this feeling at the end of the day that im slowly drifting away from you, that honestly, you don't tell me how you really feel, that you just say i love you to go along with it .and i know one day this week you'll text me about this saying " whats this on your blog all aboout?" and ill probably say "oh no dont worry about it, its not true." im not 100% sure but i think its probably the fact that i expect way to much . i dont know, i guess i just feel dissapointed in the end . instance, i talk to you on the phone and text and whatever electrioncal thing there is to use . i fall for you, i dont wanna leave the phone because i wanna read what you have to say next . then, once i see you, i try my darndest to get you to stay with me (like you say you would) and yet, it seems like you really dont want to. like it doesn't matter anymore when you're actually with me . or its probably because i get jealous . yes, hardcore jealous like i get so irritated its fucking out of control . i dont know, i think you love me but i think you love someone else too . you make it seem that way . the way you always bring the other person up, the way how when im always with that other person, i text you, they text you . you answer five of theirs, and you reply one message back only saying "haha." i feel like an idiot after that . what i want you to do is make up your mind and tell me . i hate when people fuck around with me. seriously, i can handle you not loving me the way your lies tell me you do . sorry im saying "lies", im in a angred mode right now . i just, i just i dont know . there's this wierd feeling in my saying i should just stop all of this . i mean, when i talk to you on texts i believe you, and everything, EVERYTHING you say . but once im finally with you, it feels like all of that wasn't true . honestly, i just think you're saying lies and going with whatever i say . but i can't judge that . it's just the way i feel . so its basically, FALL FOR YOU . BECOME DISSAPOINTED/MAD/JEALOUS/HATEFUL. then FALL FOR YOU AGAIN. i hate cycles . ugh, and watch, ill do this all over again .